Monster Flicks

I can't say I'm proud of my taste in movies. Because, let's be honest, movies with depth requires energy and attention span to watch, both of which I severely lack. Part of the reason I enjoy watching movies at home is because I can have my laptop on for those slower parts of the movie. Pretty bad, huh?

So the latest monster flick I got from Netflix is Primeval. So far we've been 1 hr into it and it has been quite disappointing. It's not that difficult to do it right with a monster flick, all it needs is all of the following attributes:-

• Ample amount of monster shots. For obvious reasons. We watch the movie FOR the monsters. With today's digital effect, don't skim on the monster shots. We understand it's a B-line, low budget production and are not looking for something that can rival Jurassic Park, but at least to the level of Frankenfish. Now that is a monster flick done right.


• Allow ample amount of people for the monster(s) to devour, 8-10 will be a good number. Again, it's a monster flick, we know people will get eaten by the monster and we also know that the main male and female character will not get eaten. Primeval only has 5 core people on the team to start. Ugh, minus the guy and the gal, the monster can eat no more than three people. C'mon now. We don't care how many extras got eaten. It's just not the same.


• Create a situation where the crew is trapped. Let it be a boat, a submarine, an underwater station, the desert, the forest. There are no way for them to get out. Preferrably with foreshadow of it at the very beginning -- scientist/engineers bragging about the security systems -- "This is highly secure and xxx (bad situation) will only happen if xxx happen (something unlikely) followed by an arrogant "hahaha". i.e. security locked down in underwater station, the only boat was destroyed, or better yet, the bad guy tried to get away and ended up first to be eaten by monster. Cars were destroyed/out of fuel (gas tank destroyed) in the dessert/forest etc. Primeval made the mistake of not trapping them. The characters had the options to leave ("We got to go now. We can drive." "We can't see the road." "I know the roads." Next thing you know, they are in a hut over the water. Hello! Not exactly a vacation in Tihiti. Why a hut above the water? There wasn't even a shot of HOW or WHY they got there. There were just there after the discussion of the tour guide being able to lead them to safety. But noooo, let's hang around longer, right above the water.)


• Create some nail-biting moment where the monsters are coming. -- A most common one is that transmitter tagged to the monster. Works. No need to deviate from what works. Jurassic Park uses the rippling of water. That's a master piece.


• It's a monster flick, not softcore porn. -- Find actors who can act. Or at the very minimum doesn't sound like a recital. It's a monster flick, not soft core porn. If I want porn I can download them free on the internet. Please don't put in 2 big boobed porn stars who can barely memorize the script. They don't need to undress and shower at odd intervals and the only 2 big boobed girls who can't act don't need to make out while the threat of being eaten by monsters are looming over them.

And that's all the elements of a good monster flick. See? Not that difficult is it?